I am going to be more positive this year so I think that writing in a more positive manner will help me accomplish that task. This is the first thing that I would like to accomplish at this point in my life. I have a bunch so I’m just gonna write them all down to get myself organized. Getting organized is my second goal for this year! I think I’m gonna try to do a notecard system where I write something down on a notecard and pin it up on my wall. Push Pins have been ordered! I also want to do better academically. I’ve been so close to getting really good grades these last couple of quarters and I know that if I just put in a little more effort I can get the grades that I’ve been hoping for. My last goal is to learn how to manage my emotions in a non self destructive way. I really am my own worst enemy so I think that learning to work through my emotions in a healthy way would be the best thing that I can do at this point. I know I can do all of these things if I am just really disciplined with myself.

Back to Positivity. It still says it’s spelled wrong and that bothers me. I’m just not going to write it anymore. Compromise!

I want to be more positive. That’s right! Positive. I think that I’ve been really critical of myself and the world around me so I think that being positive will really help with the way that I’m feeling. I know that I’ve been really negative with these last couple of posts but I think that it’s been good for me to express myself in that way. I want to be able to capture that same emotional vulnerability and truly encapsulate the scope of my thoughts about whatever I happen to be writing about. I think that being in those places helps me produce some of my best writing. I think that it’s okay for me to be in those negative places if I am working though them. I think that is my way of being positive!

I also went on a little trip recently 😉 In all seriousness, I do think it really helped me because some things finally crystallized in my brain during that emotional journey. I realized that being at peace with things that have happened in the past is a process. Things that have happened to you and things that you’ve done have already been done. I guess you can try to ignore it or run away from it but I’ve been doing that my entire life and it doesn’t really help. You just have to look at things for what they are. Ignoring it or running away from it won’t change it no matter how much I want it to. You just have to look at it and be okay with it. It’s hard. It’s so fucking hard but it’s just something that you have to do. Ignoring that hurt numbs the pain but it also numbs you. You can’t be numb anymore. You get lost in it and pull others into it. You can’t run away from it either. You run away from it but no matter how hard or fast you run you always end up in the same place. You are bound to those things. You’re just running in circles. Things are as they’ve always been but you’re not choosing to move anywhere in particular. Choose to move forward.

I think I got my metaphors mixed up a little there but I think we get the gist. Positive Thinking. Feeling again. Circles. Moving on.

Uhh I don’t know. I feel like I was on the cusp of something. But…………………… I’ve got nothing. And that’s okay!

I’m also working on a new piece called “A love letter to love letters”. I’m not sure what I want it to be but I know how I want it to feel. I guess just keep an eye out for it!